serious smiling times :)

I have been smiling and laughing. ALOT.
I probably look like a Hyena alot. My mom will ask me " Kenna are you ok??" and my response is.. " hahaha you ask me that like you think its a yes!"
Jacob, has made me very happy lately. Which is what I need right now. What else can I say I really do Love him. He's a different kind of guy, he's a little shorter then me ( not very much!) he honestly looks like Taylor Launter( Jacob Black in Twilight!!) which is funny! He's even buff like him!, He has a huge, adorable smile, BEAUTIFUL blue eyes! and he is sooo sweet. He will beat up any guy who would hurt me if I said to ( which I would not, beating up someone does not make it ok!) and he is soooo funny and amazing!
Like my friend Kate says " He's my sexy man candy!" ha!
"Happiness is the key to life"

The feelings of being used.

You never know what it feels like to be used, until you are.
You may think what I am about to tell you is about someone pretending to be my friend to get something out of it like a C.D or a movie or something, but it's not.
A couple months ago after me and my ex broke up, I became friends with his best Friend, of course this new guy made me feel special. He told me anything that I wanted to hear, like that I'm beautiful, smart, energetic, funny and amazing. Which of course made me like him. We talked EVERYDAY, he told me my ex was a ass for dumping me and that he's a jerk, which made me like him even more. I told him about EVERYTHING in my life. We talked about my parents divorce, my brother, my family and friends and me. I told him everything he wanted to know about me and what he asked. Then about a couple weeks after that we grew really close. The only bad part was I have NEVER met him, I was very stupid at the time so we just communicated over text. I sent him a picture of what I looked like, and he sent one of him. Even though I have never met this guy, I really liked his personality, I even told myself a lot that I loved him. That was when the using began.
I remember the one night he first told I was being threatened, at first I didn't believe him, but then he started to bring stories and details into the picture, and thats when I started to believe him. ( I can not tell you what I did, to it is so bad and can not be spread onto the internet) After what I did I got in HUGE trouble. I felt like my parents hated me after it. I even hated myself, a couple days after it happened I would not eat, I would cut my wrists and I would sleep ALOT. I HATED myself because what I have done. I hated myself so badly that I almost killed myself in front of my own mom. I can not live without her, she is my hero, I love her so much, for if she was not there for me I would not be here right now. The person I hated the most was the guy that used me. I HATE HIM. SO MUCH. In my opinion he deserves to die.
A couple days ago I contacted this guy again, well mostly my friend did, but i helped. I wanted to know why he used me. His answer? he was bored. I cried when I heard that was his answer. I called him an animal and he said I agree I am sick and untamed, he sure is. He didn't even say sorry, not that it would have mattered anyways. I told him I almost killed myself, he said he it was a shame it didn't actually happen. He does not have a heart, he is self centered and he is a pig.
I have learned to NEVER talk to strangers after that and never trust them either, no matter who they say they are or how " nice" they are to you. They can hurt you, and it will scar you for life.
Believe me, I am a victim.

I love you.

Im losing everything. My heart. My Soul. My head, everything in me feels like its giving up. I'm not myself sometimes. I smile, but behind it, it feels like im dying. I wanna know why I feel like this. Is it depression? PMS? or am i just have a huge mood lately? I don't know if I will ever know.
Things have been changing lately. My mom is now dating the guy she liked back when she was 15, its actually really cute! She seems much happier now, I think HE took her happiness away and controlled it but I think the new guy dug deep killed the dragon and saved the princess with her happiness, I have NEVER seen my mom so happy in my entire life. Its a GOOD thing.
I just got out of school Thursday. Whoa. The year went by sooo fast, its crazy, and to think about it I'm also getting Older, UGH! Well sense the years over that means.... the 9th graders leave. Which means my Jacob leaves. He's not actually leaving me, but we can no longer walk the school halls together laughing. I'll miss him during school, but then I can see him out of it :) I really do love him. He makes me happy and smile, plus hes like super strong! Jacob, I love you.
The person I've been missing so much? my dad. Sense I was a baby my dad has been one of my biggest hero's. I got my amazing musical talents from him and his smile. I miss my dad I haven't seen him sense March. I will get to see him soon though. Daddy, I love you and miss you.
In the end I have to say to finish this off all my readers, that's if I have any,
I love each and every one of you.